An angry woman has a right to be angry and to express it freely without fear of repercussions. Think about how people react when men get angry or even state clear boundaries, and what happens when women do the same thing. Men are respected. Men can clearly state what they do not like someone doing and it is accepted-without anyone thinking there is anything wrong with it.
When a woman stands up for herself and says the same thing in the same manner a man does, she is not treated the same. People react differently. Suddenly she’s a snob, pushy, defiant, difficult, or emotional. Why? Because she’s a woman?
Why can’t women be angry?
Why is it so difficult to think that the same woman who can get upset about something and express it is the same woman who still loves the person she’s angry with unconditionally? Just because she stands up for herself doesn’t mean she’s unlovable or that you are. It doesn’t mean she nitpicks or is a nag.
It means the other person doesn’t know how to deal with boundaries being set, and reacts in whatever way they’re most comfortable with. Some do it by withdrawing their love and affection. Another way is to be surprised by the fact that you do it. Sometimes the sympathy card is played. But the most horrible reaction is to be treated as if you don’t have the right to be angry.
And if you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship of any kind the expression of anger is the scariest damn thing.
Abusers like this can be unpredictable, and it isn’t just their rage you’re going to feel-it will come along with the most awful things you’ve ever heard about yourself. This is the person that can’t stand the fact that you think you have boundaries to be angry over.
They don’t see you as a person. You’re a tool for them to use, and you should be grateful for the opportunity to be their tool. Because honestly, they think they can do better than you.
This might be a drastic example for some people, but it isn’t for others. There are many, many people who have been in relationships where they’ve had to repress their feelings. Where they lose their identity because they’re afraid for their lives.
So men, if you happen to be uncomfortable and are somehow minimizing or invalidating the reason why a woman is angry-catch yourself.
Change yourself, change your culture.